Awesome Disabled

I’ve been dreaming a lot, literally and figuratively.

Last night, I dreamed that I had saved a 50% down payment for the house I wanted to buy. Getting a mortgage was a breeze, and I was so excited to be buying the house of my dreams.

Of course, in real life, I am not close to a 50% down payment, but I’m sitting around 20%. Who knows? Maybe I’ll make it to 50%. Although if I actually saved up that much, I would definitely save some for sudden expenses. New roof. New HVAC. I might go nuts and get a new fancy mattress so I can have even better sleeps.

I’m also taking steps toward achieving my figurative dreams. For the last three years, I have been applying to teach at summer school, but, because I don’t have recent high school experience, haven’t been selected. This year, I rage applied and emailed the hiring director saying how awesome I was and how he kept not picking me. I was so frustrated that I didn’t even notice that there was a course on the application that I had experience teaching!

I got an email back from the hiring director asking whether I meant to not apply for the course I had experience in. I immediately responded, explaining that I would love to teach that course, and highlighting the recent experience. A few weeks later, I got an email saying I had been hired!

My summer school dream had come true, and summer mornings will be full of Amy teaching awesomeness. I’ve already started thinking about how I will start, and the types of activities I will do.

I am facing some job insecurity for next school year, so I am buttressing my resume and getting ready to do the dance. It’s a bit scary, and also a bit exciting, but something I’ve learned about myself is that I can handle it. (If you think I might be an amazing fit for your school, please let me know!)

It’s like the old saying, The bird rests on the branch, not because it trusts the branch, but because it trusts its wings. I can trust my wings.

I’m also thinking about going back to University and studying writing. If I can manage funding, I’d love to do a Master’s, and maybe even an EdD. I just want to be researching what I love, and helping students and teachers to do awesome writing in the classroom.

Dreaming falls pretty high on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It comes into the self-actualization place, which is what happens once all the more basic needs are met. (Basic meaning more essential, not less important.) I had heard that Maslow actually developed this theory in my neck of the woods, in consultation with Indigenous folks. The bottom of the pyramid is physical needs, then the need for safety, then social and self-esteem needs. On the top of the pyramid is a category called “self-actualization” which is developing yourself in terms of your personality, your strengths, your career, and your dreams. It’s like becoming more fully yourself.

Generally, self-actualization requires that the other categories are at least addressed. I think about it as if all of the levels of the pyramid are buckets, and when we get what we need, they gradually get filled. When the lowest one is filled, the person can seek out situations where the next one will get filled, and so on. To reach the self-actualization bucket, each of the other buckets need to at least be a little bit filled.

I will take these dreams as a sign that I am on the right track. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that my wings are poised and ready for flight.